starting anew June 16, 2008

i just want to start over again. start anew.

i want to go for a facial on thurday, while Hubby wants his massage.

i want to try jogging/walking fast/walk (wateva suits me) after that with Hubby.

i want to start eating healthily. cut down on junk food a.k.a fast food we both are so fond of. must try to eat more fruits. vege i cant reali promise. the words being ‘will try’.

i want to sleep less. get my butt off the bed. and eyes off the tv. lesser tv too.

most importantly…finish my work on time! stop delaying just becoz i reali want to do them. markings, setting exam papers etc.

dont want to stress so much. spend more time with Hubby & family.

another very very important: no stressing about getting pregnant again. i just want to enjoy our relationship without having too think, okay am i gonna get pregnant today? if it happens, it will happen.

onli one small thingy, cutting down on tea drinking. i have this addiction of drinking tea. tea of any form. only drink i’ll drink. 4-5 bottles a day. i stopped after i got pregnant coz of the caffaine. but well, i have continued since. hehe. but Hubby has requested that i stop coz he says its not good for the womb. i dont know where he read this. must remember to ask him tomoro. anywaez, tried to search the net for the ‘truth’ but aside from the caffaine, couldnt reali find any side effects of tea to the womb. or any other side effects.

being me, unless you show me evidence or tell me the reason with evidence, its kinda hard to believe blindly. so ladies, if you know of somting, and why tea is not good for the body, leave a comment.

but i do know…too much of a good thing is no good….hehe.

im loving this song at the moment. that’s when i love you.

the end June 13, 2008

24th may, we found i was pregnant.

after one whole year of trying. we got a perfect gift for our anniversary. we were over the moon. we thot that one year of stress and worrying, visits to the gynae, popping pills has ended for us.

11th june, i suffered a miscarriage.

i knew the pregnancy was over. the pregnant feeling was just not there. i didnt feel anymore connection with the baby. it may have not been a baby yet, but what the hell, fetus or baby, it was my baby. but as usual, i wanted to stay positive and didnt want to alarm Hubby or my family.

my feeling was confirmed when the bleeding became heavy, the cramps and backaches were so severe, i couldnt even sit or stand. i was crying over the phone asking Hubby who was working to come home and bring me to the hospital. i juz knew…

when the doctor confirmed the miscarriage. i just held back my tears. didnt want to cry in front of the doctor. but juz couldnt control it once i stepped out of the doctor’s room. i juz couldnt stop crying.

i juz cried till i felt so tired. and Hubby was comforting me all the way saying that its fate, its juz not time for us to become parents and we’ll try again.

and i’ll always remember how i was in his arms that nite, i was juz too tired, i stopped crying. but he cried softly. i let him cry. i knew he too was hurting like me. we both couldnt sleep that nite.

i wouldnt want to say im okay now. everiting juz happened so suddenly. in a time span of 3 weeks, i was pregnant & un-pregnant. how surreal is that??

everibodi been comforting me saying that miscarriages happen at this early stage of the pregnancy, but seriusly i dont reali want to hear those words. coz they dont know how we’ve been waiting for this pregnancy to happen. it has been emotionally and financially straining to us.

i still think about it. i having insomnia again. cant sleep and having a hard time to sleep. i dont reali have ani appetite to eat. haha good ting is that ive lost some weight. some…

and all i want is for this nightmare to stop but apparently it hasnt coz im still bleeding buckets. the doctor wants me to cleanse naturally. she doesnt want to do any washing of the womb. so here i am, still have a constant reminder that i was pregnant and i suffered a miscarriage. 

i sound angry, dont i? but seriously im not. im juz doing wateva it takes to get over this. its hard. i wouldnt be strong without Hubby and my family who has been so patient and loving to me.

insyallah, mayb another round. hopefully it wont bring me this much pain the 2nd time round.

for you all who have been so kind with your words, your well-wishes & prayers, i reali appreciate it. thanks.

;( June 9, 2008

bleeding has not stop. dont tink its called spotting animore. more like bleeding.

in fact it has gotten worse since yesterday. plus cramps like i felt during my first two days of menses. backache too.

haiz, cant reali do aniting but wait and pray. that the bleeding will stop. hopefully by wednesday. i would reali get worried again if it goes over a week.

hope baby is growing. praying hard. ;(

pretty pink cupcakes June 8, 2008

another pretty pretty wedding cupcakes made by mama.

lurve those pinks. and those pink bows ribbons. i did that till my back ached. but so worth it.

4 weeks June 6, 2008

we had a scare of our lives when i started spotting out of the blue 2 days ago. and being a first time preganancy, we naturally freaked out especially me. i became a nervous wreck to see that im bleeding. blood must indicate somthing not good is happening right?

so we went to the clinic downstairs who straight away advised us to go to KK. so we went to KK 24-clinic. i was still alright. could still laugh and talk to Hubby. den we went to see the gynae on duty. that blardy gynae! i hate her. she made me cry non-stop for the whole nite and morning and made us worried like hell.

so she did the scan on me. after doing the scan, sat me down and spoke to us. wanted to know if i wanted to be warded to monitor the bleeding. of coz i didnt want to. didnt specifically inform us how long the bleeding may go on. set the next appointment 1 week later. and the best of all, informed us that she couldnt see any baby!

how would you feel if you were me & Hubby? all happy and excited to know that i was pregnant after 1 year of trying and stress and suddenly have a gynae tell us that she couldnt see any baby!! we both were shocked! especially me. i became so sad. so many questions going thru my head. so was i pregnant? 2 positive tests couldnt be wrong. did i have a miscarriage? did i do somting to make it happen?

so we went home still dumbfounded. i cried the night thru. everitime i see blood, i cried. everitime i tink how there is no baby, i cried. Hubby became very worried. till he couldnt tahan seeing me cry animore, we decided to go for a 2nd opinion. he callled SGH and set an appt with a gynae dere.

we went to SGH. waited 2 hrs juz to do scan again. the nurse reali had a hard time doing the scan. so i was like down again, thinking, ok, this nurse also cant see baby, den dere muz be no baby. and its all my fault.

we went to see the gynae after that. oh, she so nice that im sticking to her i tink for the rest of this pregnancy. dont tink i wanna go back to KK or poly. she explained to us everiting in detail. gave me tissue when my tears pipe began bursting again. even gave us her hp number and emel address. tried to calm me down when she saw i still looking so damn worried. how cool is that??

well, back to the story. looking from the scan, my pregnancy is actuali juz 4 weeks old. not the 7 weeks old as estimated by the doctor at the poly. so when we found out that i was pregnant 2 weeks ago, baby was juz 2 weeks old. so the doctor was kind of surprised as to how i knew i was pregnant at such an early stage. not many ladies do.

so told her the story how i was constantly feeling nauseous, sore breasts, cramps….

but i tink i juz my clever little darling baby telling me ‘hey mommy, stop stressing out coz im here!!!’. he/she announcing to me of its arrival. hehe. 2 weeks old and alreadi so cwever.

as for the bleeding, it may be because the fetus still very new and any changes in the womb can bring about the bleeding. so that explanation so so helped me alot!

we’ll see how things goes from here. when the bleeding will stop. how the baby is progressing. praying that baby will grow and we can hear her heartbeat next week. juz give mommy a sign baby. sign that you are growing healthily.

we do know the pregnancy is still so so earli. and ive read that this is the period miscarriages happens. but wateva happens, happens. wateva happens, im happy to be given a chance to be pregnant, to feel all these pain, to have my Hubby pamper me to no end, to know a living creation of Allah grew in me. if He permits, i pray that this 1st trimester go thru smoothly and i’ll be able to hold my baby in my hand next year. Insyallah.

pray for me friends.

baby language June 4, 2008

watched this on oprah where this lady has the ability to decipher the language of babies coz she has photographic sound memory.

so yeah coolness. mommies, your babies are actuali talking to you when they cry. can test this out when i have my own little baby. hehe.

when babies make these sound:

heh : discomfort

neh: hungry

owh: sleepy

eair: lower gas

eh: burp

well, this only applies for babies between the age of 0-3 mths. so happy trying.

the big wheel June 2, 2008

Hubby belanja-ed me popeyes at the spore flyer yesterday. hurrah! now no need to go to airport to eat popeyes!

cant believe that area changed so much. that marina promenade holds much much memories for me & Hubby. we pak toh-ed there like siow in the beginning of our relationship. hehe.

anyways we gorged ourselves on popeyes. and i tink im addicted to the smacking delicious mash potato which we bought two medium each coz we couldnt get enuf of it. and not forgetting the butter cookies (which i doubt is reali is a cookie, more like scone). not reali into the chicken. chicken was okay okay. we are juz in lurve with the mash potato & butter cookies.

then we went exploring the spore flyer. $30+ for each person. and during peak hours if you want to beat the queue, juz pay $20 xtra. we went xploring, not went for a ride. i dont tink its worth $30+ juz to see the view of spore from that height. but Hubby has plans to bring the his whole family (that includes his beloved Wifey) on the flyer. so free ride…dont mind, dont mind.

cukur rambut mysha irsalina June 2, 2008

laz sunday, we went to majlis cukur rambut of the new little princess in the haus, mysha irsalina.

may you grow up healthy, strong & gorgeous little one. i’ll see you and your mommy soon.

and as for this cute little gerl who cant stop frowning everitime she sees me & Hubby, she’s trying to walk in dose tiny shoes. sooo cute. stop frowning lah! hehe.

happy 1st anni to US!! May 26, 2008

today we celebrate our 1st year anniversary.

how fast time flies. 1 year liao. hehe.

and we got a ’surprise’ pressie for our anniversary. our gift to each other. somthing we’ve been waiting for, for nearly one year.

we were both so happy!! and still absorbing the news. the first time the news was confirmed, all we could do keep smiling and sengeh-ing to each other.

thanx for all the prayers and advises. thx to fard & azman for always being there for us and always encouraging us especially when we down (me actuali). hehe

now do i understand truly that everiting is a gift from Allah. if its meant to happen, then it will happen at its own time and target. worrying and crying doesnt help. what does is non-stop effort and prayers. syukur alhamdulilah.

ayat-ayat cinta May 23, 2008

i must be one of the last few people in singapore to catch ‘ayat-ayat cinta’.

but dont get me wrong, i didnt watch it at the cinema like some people who brought the whole family to enjoy this movie. (hehe, you know who you are). as per normal, why pay when you can watch it for free over at youtube at the comfort of your bed and smelly pillows.

ok, so after reading so many raving reviews from so many people and people who cry watching this movie. sori to inform you peeps that i didnt cry. not even near to tearing. didnt even go awwwww.

well i cried watching kabil quishry kabil igam. that was one tear jerker i tell you.

got to applaud the movie for centering on the teaching of islam. movie dakwah. somting new, refreshing. beautiful scenery and not forgetting beautiful people. but i juz felt that there was somting missing from the movie. so lets say i quite like the movie but didnt reali enjoy it lah. i gif it 3 popcorns.

but i also read reviews that the novel is much much betta than the movie. so that i must read. onli i dont know if its available in spore. mayb in KL. will try to look for it. get one copy for me please if anibodi comes across it.