When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms>>>>On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car>>stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I>>carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our>>home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy>>bridegroom.>>>>This was the scene of ten years ago.>>>>The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a>>kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the>>assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed>>to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home>>together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying>>in a boarding school.>>>>Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life>>was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.>>>>Dew came into my life.>>>>It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me>>from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of>>love. This was the apartment I bought for her.>>>>Dew said, “You are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs.>>Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my>>wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive>>to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I>>had betrayed my wife. But I couldn’t help doing so.>>>>I moved Dew’s hands aside and said,” You go to select some>>furniture, O.K.? I’ve got something to do in the company.”>>Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see>>with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my>>mind although it used to be something impossible to me.>>>>However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No>>matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.>>Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing>>dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready>>soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the>>computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my>>entertainment.>>>>One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce,>>what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a>>word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far>>away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got>>to know I was serious.>>>>When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost>>all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to>>hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some>>hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in>>her eyes.>>>>Once again, Dew said to me,” He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we>>live together.” I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.>>>>When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. “I’ve got>>something to tell you,” I said.>>>>She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her>>eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let>>her know what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious>>topic calmly.>>>>She didn’t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked>>me softly, why? I’m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called>>answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted>>at me,” You are not a man!”>>>>At that night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I>>knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But>>I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had>>gone to Dew.>>>>With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which>>stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my>>company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a>>pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me>>would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I>>had said.>>>>Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had>>expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The>>idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to>>be firmer and clearer.>>>>A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw>>her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke>>up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep>>again.>>>>She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything>>from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before>>divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as>>possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer>>vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage>>was broken.>>>>She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me,” He>>Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the>>wedding day?” This question suddenly brought back all those>>wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said,” I remember.” “You>>carried me in your arms,” she continued,” So, I have a requirement,>>that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce.>>From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the>>bedroom to the door every morning.”>>>>I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and>>wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.>>>>I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly>>and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has>>to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more>>or less made me feel uncomfortable.>>>>My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce>>intention as explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a>>stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both>>appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy>>in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom>>to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters>>with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly,” Let us>>start from today, don’t tell our son.” I nodded, feeling somewhat>>upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I>>drove to office.>>>>On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on>>my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her>>blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman>>carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more.>>There were some fine wrinkles on her face.>>>>On the third day, she whispered to me,” The outside garden is being>>demolished. Be careful when you pass there.”>>>>On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we>>were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my>>arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.>>>>On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such>>as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while>>cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.>>>>I didn’t tell Dew about this.>>>>I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout>>made me stronger. I said to her,” It seems not difficult to carry>>you now.”>>>>She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She>>tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she>>sighed,” All my dresses have grown fatter.” I smiled. But I>>suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could>>carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had>>buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of>>pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.>>>>Our son came in at the moment. “Dad, it s time to carry mum out,”>>he said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been>>an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer>>and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I>>would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms,>>walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway.>>Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body>>tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much>>lighter weight made me sad.>>>>On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a>>step. Our son had gone to school. She said,” Actually I hope you>>will hold me in your arms until we are old.”>>>>I held her tightly and said,” Both you and I didn’t notice that our>>life was lack of such intimacy.”>>>>I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was>>afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked>>upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her,” Sorry, Dew, I won t>>divorce. I’m serious.”>>>>She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. “You got>>no fever,” she said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew,” I>>said,” I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage>>life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details>>of life, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I>>understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth>>to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have>>to say sorry to you.”>>>>Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then>>slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove>>to the office.>>>>When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for>>my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the>>greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote — I’ll carry you>>out every morning until we are old.>>>>
